As you are probably well aware weddings can be expensive events. Here in Japan weddings are not only expensive for the bride and groom but can also be for the people attending.
Here is an article I saw online about weddings in Japan - specifically in Tokyo and I thought it was quite interesting. This is from the website of a professor, Todd Jay Leonard, who has lived in Japan for 25 years.
"...Whether the couple
opts for a traditional Japanese-style wedding, or decides to have a
Western-style wedding in a church with a minister, they always hold a
reception following the ceremony. The reception that immediately follows
the wedding ceremony (both Shinto and Christian) is often held in the
same hotel where the wedding ceremony took place.
Some Shinto ceremonies are held at shrines but from what I can gather most weddings are held in a hotel.
Normally,
the number of guests invited to the actual ceremony is strictly
limited, but the reception guest list is much larger, including close
family members, extended family, friends, neighbors and work colleagues.
Being
invited to a wedding reception is an honor, of course, but as a
university professor, I cringe when the telltale thick envelope arrives
in the mail. Not because I don’t want to join in the joyous celebrations
of former students, but because after 16 years of teaching here, I
receive a lot of invitations.
With
each invitation, then, is the obligatory attendance fee (oiwai) that
guests are expected to pay for attending the wedding party. The amount
is dictated by how close the family member is to the couple, as well as
how high the guest’s social position is.
Wedding
receptions in Tokyo, of course, generally command a much higher fee.
Also, if the status of the family who is hosting the reception is fairly
high, the reception can then become an opportunity for the guests to
network between meal courses and speeches, making it an opportune time
to make business contacts. So, in Tokyo, the fee can be anywhere from
$500 to $1,000 per person.
This
sounds outrageous, I know, but everything in Tokyo is more expensive,
and wedding parties are no exception. Where I live, the cost to attend a
wedding party is at the bargain price of around $200 to $500, again
depending upon one’s relationship to the couple and one’s social status
in the community.
This
“attendance fee” is in lieu of giving a gift to the couple, and it goes
toward paying for the lavish wedding reception and sumptuous meal
served to the guests.
In
appreciation, the couple then presents each guest with a “thank-you
gift” for attending their reception. Recently, it has become quite
trendy for the couple to give each guest a catalogue from which to
choose a gift of their own liking. A postcard is included that the
person fills out with three possible selections in the order of what
they want most. The catalogue company then processes the order, and the
item is delivered to the guest’s door within a week or two.
In
the past, the couple would select a gift to give the guests. The
problem was that often it was something that may or may not be useful in
a practical sense. This new system allows guests to choose things that
they may really want or need. Recently, I have selected an electric wok
from one reception and a toaster oven from another. The “guest’s gift”
is usually valued at around $50.
As
the wedding reception begins, the bridal couple is ushered into the
banquet hall, where all the guests are seated in assigned seats. Much
care and discernment is taken in making the seating arrangements so as
not to offend those in attendance.
The
groom’s company boss and bride’s work supervisor are usually given the
seats of honor at the front of the hall; next are the bridal couple’s
university professors, who are seated in seats of honor. The status and
relationship of the guest to the couple are then taken into account, as
each person is seated from front to back — the front being the choice
assignments, and the back being the least preferred.
Unfortunately,
the families of the couple are normally seated all the way in the back,
next to the kitchen door that is used by the hotel staff to serve the
guests. By offering the choicest seats to the guests, the family
demonstrates humility and a sense of humbleness.
Wedding
receptions in Japan are notorious for their formality and stuffiness.
The bride and groom, still dressed in the traditional costumes from the
wedding ceremony, are seated on a platform at the front of the hall with
the “nakoudo” — the “go-between” couple who traditionally were the ones
that arranged the marriage.
Today,
“arranged marriages” in the traditional sense are much rarer than they
were just 20 years ago, but the custom of having the matchmaker assist
the couple during the party endures.
Next
are the speeches. The honored guests, company bosses and university
professors make rather long speeches to the couple, giving advice to
them about their future and wishing them a lifetime of wedded bliss. The
speeches often have standard themes that encourage the couple to have
children as quickly as possible. This always amuses me, because the
couple hasn’t even gone on their honeymoon yet.
Once
the toast is made, then the party may begin. In between courses, the
couple is escorted out of the hall, where the bride changes into several
different wedding outfits. From the white kimono, she may change into a
red kimono, leaving her wig and makeup on from the traditional
ceremony. Next, she will often change into a formal evening gown with a
hoop (the groom changes into a tux with tails). Finally, the wedding
couple changes into western-style wedding attire at the end of the
party.
While
the couple is away changing, oftentimes friends will entertain the
guests with musical numbers, perhaps karaoke, or a professional band
will play music. The guests meander about, beer bottles in hand,
offering to refill other guests’ beer glasses.
In
Japan, it is customary not to fill your own glass with a beverage, but
to wait for the person next to you to fill it for you. If your own glass
is empty, and no one has noticed, all you have to do is to offer to
fill the other person’s glass. That person will then reciprocate by
filling your glass. Also, it is polite to go to the platform and offer
to refill the bridal couple’s glasses of beer to show one’s approval of
the union.
The
wedding reception lasts several hours, and when it is all said and
done, the total cost can be around $30,000 to $50,000 for the wedding
reception. Of course, the more guests that are invited and the more
changes the bride makes in and out of the rented gowns, increases the
total cost.
Hence,
when someone is invited to a wedding, the envelope never says “and
guest.” It would bankrupt a family of four to attend a wedding in Japan,
not to mention upset the sitting arrangements. Only the person invited
attends the wedding, leaving his or her spouse or significant other at
home."
Average wedding cost in Japan by region as reported by Tokyo Families
Tokyo Metropolitan area ¥3.5 million - which is about $35,000
Hokkaido ¥1.7 million - about $17,000
Niigata ¥3.4 million - about $34,000
Nagano ¥3.5 million - about $35,000
Fukui, Ishikawa, Toyama ¥3.3 million - about $33,000
Shizuoka ¥3.3 million - about $33,000
Tokai ¥3.3 million - about $33,000
Kansai ¥3 million - about $30,000
Okayama, Hiroshima, Yamaguchi ¥3.2 million - about $32,000
Shikoku ¥3.5 million - about $35,000
Kyushi ¥3.5 million - about $35,000
Here is one last thing about gifts in Japan. I wrote last year that Japan is a gift giving culture and that definitley shows itself when someone gets married. Here is what an article on Weddingbee, from someone who is getting married in Japan, had to say:
"... Japan is a gift-giving culture. There is the typical gift giving like bringing a gift if you go to
someone’s house, but there are so many other situations that warrant a
gift in Japan. Let’s say you haven’t seen a friend in a couple of
months—when you do finally see them you bring them a gift, something
small like bath salts or a handkerchief. Let’s say you go for a trip to a
city two hours away for the day—it is expected that you bring back some
souvenir for all of your coworkers; usually it’s a box of candy that
the city is famous for.
Having a wedding means giving and receiving lots of wedding gifts. As I mentioned before,
our guests will most likely give us a monetary gift of $100 to $300,
and in return we will give them about a $30 wedding favor. Close family
members, however, will be giving us a lot more. The traditional amount
ranges from about $1,000 to $5,000. A $30 gift favor wouldn’t be
acceptable, so we will be giving them gift catalogs that are worth $300.
They can flip through the catalog, choose a gift, send in a postcard,
and have the gift shipped to their house. Some gifts in the $300 catalog
include Kobe beef, pottery, and trips to Japanese onsen (hot spring).
A page from one of the more expensive catalogs. This page offers a grill, telescope, and electronic toothbrushes
Besides the catalogs and favors, our house is also filled with “thank
you gifts” for people who will be giving us gifts. It’s a tradition to
give money to coworkers in your company who get married or have a baby
(this trend is more common in large, old, traditional companies). This
means that coworkers who aren’t even invited to the wedding will be
giving us monetary gifts. Mr. G and I have forked over a couple hundred
dollars over the past few years, and I will admit I would grit my teeth
when I would hear that one of Mr. G’s coworkers was pregnant and we had
to fork over some money, but I now really appreciate this aspect of the
gift-giving culture. Everyone helps each other out during the big stages
of your life when you need a little a help. Our thank you gift will
either be a box of dried shiitake mushrooms or a giant pack of nice
seaweed. Those gifts may sound weird, but they’re pretty run of the mill
in Japan.
Other gifts we have bought have been for those helping us out with
the wedding and gifts for the after-party. Japanese parties are
basically game nights and you give out fabulous prizes to the winners.
Our prizes include a digital camera, an iPod Shuffle, and a mini grill
for yakitori (grilled chicken)."
Many
times after our games fans give players gifts. Sometimes, some of the
guys leave with many bags filled with chocolates, treats, food, drinks,
handmade sweets, or even larger gifts. Some teammates have even been
given nice basketball shoes. I have been lucky enough to receive a few
things this year and am very thankful to the fans for them. Last year
when someone gave me something for the first time after a game I was a
little surprised as it hasn't been a part of the culture anywhere else
we have been, but it was a nice surprise and one I am continually
thankful for every time I am gifted with something.
Thank you boosters.
